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It seems two things must be cleared up. I must first credit the Mc Surf ‘n Turf to Jack Black. Secondly I must attribute my cryptic explanation to Yingling. While the Mc Surf ‘n Turf can not be found on any McDonalds menu (try and order one of these and you will get the same blank look that results in ordering six plain Chicken McNuggets), it can however be assembled from several lesser sandwiches. The Mc Surf ‘n Turf is an all-in-wonder conglomerate of all the basic food groups; by combining a Big Mac with a Filet-O-Fish and an order of fries, a meal fit for the gods is created. Enjoy. -Matt
-Matt

Mr. FSU, I see you are familiar with the Hunk’s scaling system, glad to see our systematic measurement system is taking root. I am going to assume that you have not “experienced” a Jacuzzi. My friend, it is truly a magical experience, although, I would have to advise against prolonged exposure. Michael Nicar, Ph.D., Epidemiologist, states, “The relative risk for transmission of legionella via whirlpools, is significant (The Lancet 347:494, 1996), even for people standing next to the whirlpools (they did not even have to get in to the water). The drain and fill whirlpools make aerosols just like the hot tub models. Thus, the transmission of disease is the same between the drain and fill and the constant filled hot tub models.” So as you can see, the deliciousness of said Jacuzzi is not without its risks. Considering overall deliciousness weighed with potential health risks, I would have to place the Jacuzzi on the scale slightly below scrumptious. -Matt

My dear cousin, it sounds like you are up to something…. While I have uncanny expertise on this topic, honor is due to the original stinky meaters at The Spark. Meat is a fantastic passive attack upon an unsuspecting foe. As we all know bologna is the most caustic of the composite meats, matched only by turkey-ham. According to C. Lynn Knipe of Ohio State University’s Department of Meat Science, Alkaline phosphates are responsible for the increased pH in “meat emulsions”, such as bologna. As you probably know, any corrosive substance can do damage to a man’s sweet new ride. As for a solid courtroom defense strategy, I would have to suggest you claim ignorance on the subject. Something along the lines of, “Your Honor, I noticed the heat radiating from the newly polished car surface, and thought, naturally, this is an ideal place to heat my sandwich.” As always, meat with care and alarm. -Matt

Chris, let me first state that I am confused. By “your”, do you mean mine or your hip gyrations? I am going to assume that by “your gyrations” that you mean “your gyrations”? Firstly, hip gyrations are only inappropriate in certain situations, unless of course you are specifically asking about inappropriate hip gyrations. UHHHH…. I hate the past! -Matt

Jason, I don’t know if it’s your stupidity or just commitment to the hunks, but you sure do ask a lot of questions. This however is a good question, so it shall be answered. This question has deep philosophical roots tracing all the way back to Descartes. Some would say that there could be only one, but these people are fools with Lupus! There can be only NONE! This statement is truth. Act now… do it. -Matt

Sean, the answerer is clear. Here is independent of now. And now is surely independent of hard. This question is absurd in its very nature. Granted here can be long, and now can be hard, but such a conglomeration as though have constructed is a sin against nature and… Nature. Get your shit straight and then Sean, the all magical speaking monkey beast, may ask a question worth of being answered by the hunks. NEEEEERD! -Matt

According to Cornel University’s College of Agriculture and Life Sciences the average person consumes 1.9 servings of fruit per day. The Food Guide Pyramid suggests 2 to 4 servings per day with consumption split evenly between the Vitamin C-rich “citrus, melons and berries” and the catch-all category “other fruit”. Clearly, Roald , indulgence is the only option. -Matt

Jason, this question brings back some fantastic childhood memories… of mine. For starters, I would have to say that this was a key aspect in my childhood development that shaped me into the man I am today. From the second I got behind the wheel, my unfounded rage found a new hilarious outlet. It started small, balled up paper and loose change, but soon became a cornerstone of entertainment. Nothing and I mean nothing is funnier than dipping other pieces of trash into some Vaseline and sticking them to your friend moving vehicle. Let me tell you, windshield wipers only make things worse. Sure he may have crashed that car, but I had a good laugh. - Matt

Jason, this is a dilemma, indeed. There are so many factors to take in consideration when deciding which of these two “humans” deserve the most hate. On one hand, we have Sean, a diabolical computer nerd. And on the other hand we have Kevin, who is, well you said it best… “Kevin is Kevin”. My advice is to hate each of them in their own special way. Kevin is deserving of constant shunning, and I recommend hurling large blunt objects in Sean’s direction. I wish you luck, envision and succeed. - Matt

Truly, dry humping is a lost art. But it’s good to know that some still appreciate the vigorous friction of two clothed crotches. When approaching this potentially chafing activity, I recommend a smooth/soft undergarment (silk or flannel). This will ensure a pleasurable encounter, minimizing the need to apply antiseptic after the deed is done. - Matt