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NOFX Backstage Passport is a reality show on the Fuse channel. I have several problems with this.

NOFX sells out?

NOFX has never done anything resembling or in close proximity to reality.

What the fuck is Fuse?

On the other hand, there are some positives:

I’m not certain reality show on Fuse qualifies as selling out.

Reality TV sucks in general. This is at least interesting.

I prefer my entertainment to be far flung form reality. I live in reality. There is no need to revisit what I know on TV. They do a good job making ‘reality TV’ a bit far flung.

Here is the website.

The Kia commercial on the main page doesn’t fit at all. It only affirms my ’sell out’ suspicions.

To be fair, the show is kinda fun. Fat Mike and the gang traveling to shows all over the place, dealing with half baked promoters, then doing plenty of drugs. They are nearly torn to shreds by an angry mod/police in a busted Peru show. S and M in Japan. Oh FUCK we are going to Singapore…what on me counts as drugs? Buying and snorting Singapore drugs called “the green dragon” whatever that may be.

Well, that was interesting 2 episodes. Remember when we called out intermural team Punk in Drublic then the ever famout I Heard They Suck? Fuck you Greeanee, stealin’ my team name.

I’m downloading some NOFX right now.

Two new episodes to comment upon. Ireland and Czech Republic.

Zane is at it again this time teaching us old timey Irish talk, how to pour Guinness, proving almost no one likes absinthe, and even discovering a spa housed in a brewery.

Both are quality episodes taking one back to the old country, which old country fits you best is left to the history books. After visiting several absinthe bars in Prague Zane is unable to find anyone who actually likes the stuff, including those who work at the bars! He does teach us the two ways of drinking absinthe: the French (no fire therefore gay) and the Czech (fire therefore correct). The viewers education is further enhanced when they discover a new way to increase the amount of beer that can be consumed. In Prague, the custom is to start the evening with two type of food (and Pilsner Urquell of course). The first is a very strong cheese to be mashed with some beer then eaten with bread. It looks terrible but apparently isn’t. The coup de grau is a pig knee on a spit. According to legend, this pregame will allow one to drink at least 15 beers without incurring a hangover. Remember, they mean full pints of real beer, not Bud Lite bottles Lastly, a must for anyone traveling in the region, a relaxing day at the spa. Conveniently located within a still operating medieval brewery this is a one stop shop for relaxation!

Ireland is pretty much what you would expect. Incoherent English and militant drunks who take offense over two primary issues Guinness and Whiskey. Now, I agree with the locals about the Guinness but I can’t really fall in step over the Whiskey. To me Scotch and Bourbon are both superior to Irish whiskey, but I will put it a step above Canadian. I realize my lack of experience with different Irish whiskey does not make me a great judge, but what’s done is done. Hopefully the IRA doesn’t track me down.

Network: Mojo - HD only

Characters: Zane Lamprey as himself, if that is his real name.

Episodes influencing review: South Korea, Kentucky, Champagne, Belgium

Concept: One of those dudes who travels the world experiencing cultures via food. Except the food is booze and lots of it. You may have noticed every network on television has come out with there own ‘Galloping Gourmet’. Some arrogant jackass travels to weird places, normally 3rd world, eating all kinds of crazy stuff. Three Sheets takes the same approach except the traveler is a less arrogant drunken jackass, but his name is Zane which is obviously stupid. As described by a guest on the show, Steve the friend, Three Sheets is about “Some asshole going around gettin’ shit faced everywhere.” Unlike Dave Attell, this guy usually gets hammered.

Random observations:
Kentucky is far more foreign then Seoul, SouthKorea and Champagne, France. A bar in Loiseville served Apple Pie shots, which was a secret recipe. I guess they don’t know Lenny Barnard has their secret. The old toothless guy believes a whole in the floor is a wishing well but only takes cash, $20 at a time.

The finest bourbon, possibly whiskey, in the world is Old Rip Van Winkle.

South Korea is full of drunks. They have the best ‘bomb’ drink of all time. 6 glasses half full of Cass beer. Any lager should do when you can’t find Cass state side. 6 shots of Soju which is like a South Korean vodka. Line up the glasses then stack the shots on top of the glasses resting them where two rims meet. Use the 6th shot glass to knock the other 5, like dominoes, into the waiting glasses of beer. Drink! The next morning, if you are in Seoul, you should eat at ‘hae jang kook’. The sign is subtitled in English ‘broth to chase a hangover’, it will be crowded. If you were in Kentucky, you would have a snort of bourbon in your coffee to handle the hangover.

Even the most well trained Frenchman can’t really indicate, in a blind taste test, which is better between Moet, Crystal, Dom, or the local cheap stuff at a local Champagne watering hole.

The national dish of Belgium is Mussels and Fries. French fries, the ones we know, where invented in Belgium not France, but what the hell is difference? They were invented at Thrashers in Ocean City, MD for all I care.

I need to get some of the Belgian beer stemmed beer glasses with the gold rim.

Belgium is definitely the place to go for a beeracation. Apparently, an ancient monastery brews a beer that may be the best in the world. You can only buy it from the monastery, in person, one case at a time. The monks require you to swear not to resell it. The show was not allowed to show the label. I don’t feel like googling it right now. Orval is also made at a monastery but without the secrets. You can find it in the U.S. Compared to Belgian beers, American beers are like Sex in a canoe…they are close to water. A Zane Zinger!